Recompense

I cry for them daily

Words I never imagined before this year

Clear tears

Blotting the ink, piercing each page

As I learn what I was never told, and reflect upon what I was sold

You were right all along

He hated you like Ciaphas

He prayed against you like the Psalmist

He avoided you like the Levite

He made things difficult for you, as recompense for holding back his calling

He thirsted for justice like Pharisees

He got the secretary he always needed, and dumped you like Judas

He also poisoned us with his bitter root, like the Judaizers

Once you were cut off you were dead to him

All your tears dried up by his subtlety

Clear tears

Never to be seen by us again, until you were raised

And here I am now, with your scriptures denouncing his sacred cow

Wishing you cried with us daily

December 2020

I see your demands

Snowflakes, all of them

You see me cold, frozen

Dry ice, steaming predictably

I see your right to privacy

Do you see mine?

You see us close together as a door and knob

You are now open, and I shut

I see you prophesy my motives

It’s going to hurt him, and you know it

You see her open our door

I see and welcome her

You see her and shut our door

I see her motives

It’s to heal from the hurt, and I know it

You see her pains, her fears, her hopes, her vices

I open, you shut

I see your priorities

Do you see mine?

You see me assuming I know everything

Insanely disrespectful, lacking empathy

I see your apologies

These, too, are seasonal

Asking for a friend

O Lord,

Thou hast said, As much thou hast seen me, thou hast seen the Father.

I have seen thee.

I have seen the Father. 

And so I ask, 

As much as I have seen my own mother, have I also seen thine?

Imprecation

 

Is not Alexander his name?

And a coppersmith his trade?

No, sayeth one of the Annointed's apostles

Such is the record of another man

yet this one did as much evil nonetheless

and hath received rewards according to his works

for he hath greatly withstood our words

Be thou ware of him

imagining one’s self to be a new Moses

supposing his brethren would understand 

that God would deliver by his hand

But they understood not

while he gloried in imprecations

Becoming a terror to good works

he destroyed the image of God

and established a rival of divine justice 

He knew that no man hath greater love 

than when his life is laid down for his friends

So he condemned her as no friend

and framed her as God’s enemy

He justified his own and stopped caring for hers

as though God hath rewarded his equity

If she suffered from wrong, it was no longer by him

for he was no longer called to help her through suffering

having suffered much already

His calling now was to smite pharaohs, not keep covenants

Wilt thou ever interrogate thy self O Adam?

What inhabits thy mind now?

What kind of soul dost thou have now?

The soul of a predator or its prey?

Answer the call of accountability preached by thee

Let no rank seek exemption

Frame no more mischief with law or its grace

Growing up

It’s a strange feeling to have her closer in proximity than you

You were there growing up with us, when we both seemed dead

You became close to both of us only when the family divided and fell apart

You dragged me, effectually, as the puritans would say

But her…You towed her away

I now study her scriptures and ask, How did you survive?

Why did you survive?

I was given so much after everything fell apart

You had so much taken away that never returned

You abandoned us, perhaps, for a summer

But we abandoned you and cut you off like cancer

And we never returned

But you did return

Thank you for returning

And please, thank him for returning you to me

Such intercessions tow me closer in proximity to him

God is love

The clock ticks with his voice

Nothing is said, but he calls us

Outside of time, the virtual aristocracy opines

Within time and above it, according to mumbles within armchairs

These are the kinds of games nintendo can’t fathom

And as the clock ticks, I hear little feet offer their cadence above

Little animals playing in his zoo

All will wither and fade as the food they consume

Some will be deified and—hopefully—become zookeepers

I hear them dropping thingamabobs on the firmament above, as the clock ticks with his voice

Protoevangelium

Save—save—save this imprint of every passing memory with stars marking one idea after another.

No page of your Scriptures shall be forgotten.

You are like a star shining over the cosmos with miracles, holy mother of mine.

And so I sing a hymn of praise with you, the one presented in the temple of God, during this great feast.

There we will offer gifts in a double portion.

There, in the garden, we will walk together and receive food from the hand of an angel.

There, at the mountain of God, a mother and her child are received.

And if we cannot ascend this Mount together, let it split in two and take us down to hide us, and shine its light upon us, turning holy blood to stone around us.

Favor is with those who fear our Lord, to whom be glory into the ages—of ages—of Ages.