I’m listening now
Twenty two years of vibrations
And six hundred thirty six miles of string unwound
Now your tin can is touching my ear
I hear that you don’t trust God to change you
You’re not alone
Life feels lonely and powerless
When everything hangs on obsessions of ideas
I heard what you said about fear and depression
But phobias are products of actual organic illness
You also were not the only person depressed in that household
Everyone was depressed along with you
I heard what you said about needing change and happiness
You’re much stronger than you think
Not many are resilient enough
To carry such burdens as yours for forty years
I heard that you had a tumor
It’s shocking to learn about that now
Having never heard about it before
Is anyone surprised that David cared less?
I heard your foot was in bad shape
Another summer of fun ruined because of it
Even though you’d like to blame others
The kids were not safe or happy around you, so get over it
I heard that you’re moving to Cedarburg
That sounds like a lot of work to prepare for
Packing last minute sounds emotionally draining
Are you sure you’ll be pleased with any house they can afford?
I heard you really want to choose the house or see it ahead of time
But what if no one can read your mind or satisfy your expectations?
What if everyone is exhausted by your manic depression?
Wouldn’t that be painfully ironic, if true?
I heard you wanted to go home to your mom
That’s another seriously depressing thought
Things were clearly so bad that you just couldn’t stop entertaining
More depressing, imaginary desires
Then there was Jonathan
Did you know he was a drug addict then?
Did you care that he needed help?
Just imagine how worthwhile a drug addict teenager must have felt, too
I heard you mention twice your need to be “productive”
You need something to replace what you dwell upon obsessively
You know, things you can’t change
So you can blame God for not changing you
I heard you mention burnout
You sound exhausted and hopeless
Consider how everyone else feels too
Especially those you blame and whine around incessantly
I heard you want to live, work, and be happy?
Well then, what are you waiting for?
But don’t forget the list you left behind
With dozens of reasons for why you can’t work or be happy
I heard that no one knows the truth about your health or desires
And no one talks to you, and you’re not allowed to talk to them
That’s another depressing thought I can forgive now
Brought about because of your extreme mental illness
I heard that you’re scared, and concerned about anger
You want help but you’re not allowed to ask for it
And you’re “probably” not supposed to accept it
I call bullshit
I heard that you felt hopeless and did’t have help
You had no recourse, and couldn’t talk to anyone
But I know you gossiped to everyone all the fucking time
I call bullshit again
I hear that you wish you could start life over differently
If you could you would surely choose another destiny
Surely, Satan is to blame, or David, or God
They all work overtime, so they all qualify
I’ve really been trying to listen to your prayer
And what I have gleaned is this
The Lord did come to your heart and redeem and restore
Now it’s your turn to pray for whomever