Glorious OCD

 

knowing God is knowing

eternal life and knowing

eternal life is knowing you

the real you

the you without OCD

or perhaps glorious

OCD glorified

with the perfect

eternal crutch

that makes you you

to all who knew

that knowing you is knowing God

Sincerely

Dear Katie,

I’m listening now

Twenty two years of vibrations 

And six hundred thirty six miles of string unwound

Now your tin can is touching my ear

I hear that you don’t trust God to change you

You’re not alone

Life feels lonely and powerless

When everything hangs on obsessions of ideas

I heard what you said about fear and depression

But phobias are products of actual organic illness 

You also were not the only person depressed in that household

Everyone was depressed along with you

I heard what you said about needing change and happiness

You’re much stronger than you think

Not many are resilient enough 

To carry such burdens as yours for forty years

I heard that you had a tumor

It’s shocking to learn about that now

Having never heard about it before

Is anyone surprised that David cared less?

I heard your foot was in bad shape

Another summer of fun ruined because of it

Even though you’d like to blame others

The kids were not safe or happy around you, so get over it

I heard that you’re moving to Cedarburg

That sounds like a lot of work to prepare for

Packing last minute sounds emotionally draining

Are you sure you’ll be pleased with any house they can afford?

I heard you really want to choose the house or see it ahead of time

But what if no one can read your mind or satisfy your expectations?

What if everyone is exhausted by your manic depression?

Wouldn’t that be painfully ironic, if true?

I heard you wanted to go home to your mom

That’s another seriously depressing thought

Things were clearly so bad that you just couldn’t stop entertaining

More depressing, imaginary desires

Then there was Jonathan

Did you know he was a drug addict then?

Did you care that he needed help?

Just imagine how worthwhile a drug addict teenager must have felt, too

I heard you mention twice your need to be “productive”

You need something to replace what you dwell upon obsessively

You know, things you can’t change

So you can blame God for not changing you

I heard you mention burnout

You sound exhausted and hopeless

Consider how everyone else feels too

Especially those you blame and whine around incessantly

I heard you want to live, work, and be happy?

Well then, what are you waiting for?

But don’t forget the list you left behind

With dozens of reasons for why you can’t work or be happy

I heard that no one knows the truth about your health or desires

And no one talks to you, and you’re not allowed to talk to them

That’s another depressing thought I can forgive now

Brought about because of your extreme mental illness

I heard that you’re scared, and concerned about anger

You want help but you’re not allowed to ask for it

And you’re “probably” not supposed to accept it

I call bullshit

I heard that you felt hopeless and did’t have help

You had no recourse, and couldn’t talk to anyone

But I know you gossiped to everyone all the fucking time

I call bullshit again

I hear that you wish you could start life over differently

If you could you would surely choose another destiny

Surely, Satan is to blame, or David, or God

They all work overtime, so they all qualify

I’ve really been trying to listen to your prayer

And what I have gleaned is this

The Lord did come to your heart and redeem and restore

Now it’s your turn to pray for whomever

Sincerely,

Whomever

ut pictura poesis

I wish I could say I loved us 

Is a terrible way to begin 

A poem designed 

To honor our memories 

Of family life from within 

With bleached puritanical lore

Paving the way

To some glorious day 

When Antichrist and Y2K hype

Hold hands down its yellow brick road 

But the actual truth is half as exciting 

As hang-gliding, biking, skiing, or hiking

Into the forest of wild speculation

Where beasts of ex-husbands 

Preyed on one victim 

And chased into hiding 

Where no one was looking 

And no one could find out

Miss Durden’s new hangout 

Secluded in north Aberdeen 

To be Katie Lee

 

What was it like

to be so afraid of death

that every box needed a bag

within a bag

within a bag

bundled together within more bags

What was it like 

to be so afraid of death

that you gave

every last penny

for that burgundy town and country

just to have a home

What was it like

to be so afraid of death

that you just couldn’t live without

bibles and sabbaths

lysol wipes and vivas

diapers and sandwich bags

And what advice would you give your Son

now that your sight

is restored

and your mansion

secured

and you no longer fear death?

Happy Birthday

one year ago

you looked at me

through your plastic window

outside the post office

on MLK

you smiled at me

a little awkwardly

from his right hand

I wept with joy

and wept and wept

far beyond the parking limit

because it was really you

visiting me

after so many years

of not knowing when

or how I'd see you again

so I carried you home

and I still do

everywhere I go

forty days and nights

you worked with me

sat with me

wept with me

prayed with me

interceded for me

you beheld me

and held me

when you reached God

our shared hope

one year ago

The only way

 

I'm not really into conspiracy theories, but...

I think it's pretty obvious that Trump is desperate

He wants people dead

He wants to build his own little empire 

and radically change our democracy

He doesn't care about helping us get out of this pandemic

It's like he wants us all to remain trapped and sick, with no return to normal again

If he wanted us out, he'd mandate masks to be worn everywhere at all times

That's the only way to get everything back to normal

Unless there's a vaccine

which won't happen any time soon 

because Trump doesn't seem to want one

Instead, he wants that hydrochlorine something-or-other bullshit

which has been proven to cause heart problems

And now that Putin authorized a vaccine for his people before everyone else

skipping the most essential safety trials

regardless of how sick his vaccine makes people

regardless of how many people are poisoned from his deadly vaccine

in order to radically turn their economy around and back to normal

regardless of how many lives are ultimately lost

you can bet that Russia will use that as a bargaining chip

to keep Trump in office

The last four years have proven at least that much

There is some serious fucked-up conspiracy shit in the Trump administration

and people don't seem to care

especially the kids

I don't know about you 

but I care

I also think that the main reason why young people don't care about what's going on around the world

is because they are too easily entertained 

and distracted

They just believe whatever social media tells them 

They don't even watch the news anymore

That's how little they care

20/20 Vision

 

Livestream face panties

Scoff at Governor's orders

Flip your blinker on

Breast cup hangs off ear

But just momentarily

Masticate and slurp

Left turn or right turn

Virtues equal viruses

You are a racist